Thursday, December 27, 2012

It's Over


                                                               Baby's first Christmas

Well its all over for another year. Had a pretty quiet day as expected. Some nice food, that I had a big hand in making this year. A highlight was watching as Jacob tried to rip the paper off his presents. He is far too young to know what it was all about but he did have an excited look on his face as his aunties assisted him with the ripping. He did receive some lovely gifts. As adults we get to play with the toys too.
One thing we wont do next year is make a fruit cake. Hardly anyone has eaten it and it sits forlorn in its tin. So no more next year. Other things to ditch is the gift giving angst. Happens every year. I am not buying for adults just children. My gift to my kids will be nice food, and a home they can always come home too.
The bloke had to work on Boxing day so things are back to normal quite quickly around here.
Our second daughter is holidaying in Darwin with her partner and she reports to be having a ball. Best Christmas she's had in years she says. Gee I wouldn't mind half of her joy.
The weather was predicted to be stinking hot here, but luckily Christmas day was quite mild and even though it was hot yesterday, today it is mild again. No complaints from me, I sit inside with the air con all the time, but humid weather really causes me grief.
Well have you been to any post Xmas sales? I gave them up years ago. Even is I could walk around I wouldn't. I mean truly do we need more stuff? Half the time the prices are not that cheap, but the spruikers make out like we better but this thing now whilst it's so cheap. Gah. I can't even raise enthusiasm to shop online. I have had a $0 balance on my credit card for some time. Even the kids are questioning my spending abilities. :)
I just don't have it in me to spend. Additionally the girls were wondering if they were seeing right when they saw one of my older girls with some of my 'home' magazines in her place. Did mum give you those they asked, incredulous at my ability to part with something that I have stockpiled for years, and I mean years.
Yep, I have been giving away stuff here and there. Books,magazines-(far too expensive to be only read by one person), bits of costume jewellery, other stuff.
We live in a large home and it is full of 'stuff', not just mine either. My kids have inherited the collecting bug and the bloke holds onto stuff.
I sometimes wonder if we might need an intervention, not dissimilar to what you see on the telly.
The frustrating thing is since I am practically immobile I am not able to act on my random urges of cleansing, I have to wait until some like minded person, usually the bloke, is kind enough to carry out the cleansing under my instructions.
As 2013 fast approaches many people make new year resolutions, and I certainly have over the years. But this year I don't have any expectations, nor the energy to carry them out. I guess I could make an effort but then it's difficult to come up with plans that someone else must assist you to accomplish.
However as I think more, I might be able to set some personal goals, just small ones that only I can do for me. I will have to give that idea more thought and get back to you.
Do any readers, if there are any, and I am not talking to  myself, set goals for the new year? If so can you share with me?

I will end it here wishing everyone a great new year.

Jan


 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

A Quiet Christmas


Thursday 20th December, just five days before the big day. I say it every year, but I'm always amazed when I realise that the festive season is upon us again. As I am nearly always at home I get to observe what the neighbours do in preparation for the event of the year. It usually starts in November when those with motivation and a heart filled with cheer decorate their homes and gardens with sparkly lights. The house across the road has seizure inducing strobe like lights and I am careful to shade my eyes from the glare. However the droves of people who drive from house to house gawking at the Christmas lights seem to love it. Voices ring out as strangers shout out festive greetings to each other through their car windows. Annoyingly it is sometimes hard to get out of your own driveway as you wait for the long lines of traffic to pass. Rest assured we don't add to the suburbs congestion, we never put up lights. Yeah, bit sad, but I figure there are plenty of others doing it on our behalf.
A funny thing happened a few weeks back. The man from next door who we never really talk to; we do keep to ourselves, knocked on the door to ask if it was okay if he decorated our large Christmas tree shaped conifer in our front garden. My daughter who answered the door told him to go for it. We laughed about it later, wondering of he was feeling pity for us, or just loved our large conifer.

This year like many before we wont have a full contingent of family here with us and I do admit to feeling a little sad. In Christmas's past that was the best thing about the season for me. The yearly shenanigans, the feasting on beautiful, delicious food. The jokes, laughter the joy felt at being together and having fun. Now our numbers have dwindled, due to loss and unhealthy family dynamics. So this year it will be the bloke, me, and three of our girls, one SIL, and of course our beautiful little boy Jacob. A quiet day, lovely food, maybe a movie or two, a nap and a good book I am hoping. The bloke has to go back to work boxing day so there wont be an extended festive season for him. Just another day we say.
I hope you all can find some joy in the season, no matter what that looks like.

I leave you with one of my favourite photos of this year.









Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Keeping it Simple


 

Simple food is often the best. Recently out fourth daughter was visiting us and cooked a lovely meal (see above picture) including her delicious potato bake. It tasted even better than before, and then she discovered she had used custard powder instead of cornflour in the sauce. It was a tad yellow but it tasted awesome. Maybe a secret ingredient?

What cooking mistakes have you made that enhanced a dish rather than ruined it?

With Christmas fast approaching and I say that with total denial, I am hoping my eldest daughter gets motivated and energised to do the baking required. I don’t have one inch of Christmas spirit in me. I feel flat, exhausted, sad, a little bit grinchy, (is that even a word) anxious-oh I could just go on but I’m not, for all our sakes. So many people tell me that I have a grandchild now, who will be 4 months old when the big day rolls around, so I have to be happy. Well I cannot be happier with him and I am trying to do my grandmother job well. This year he will like the paper much more than what the toy is. But in future years I will most certainly enjoy seeing his delight at the arrival of Father Christmas.

So now back to simple foods. Christmas this year will be just the bloke and I and three of the girls, my newly minted SIL and of course our darling little Jacob. The plan is to go to Jacob’s home for a nice light breakfast, maybe fruit, toast and whatever else we choose, then come back here for a lunch of cold meats including baked glazed ham, roast chicken, maybe a roast beef, German potato salad, garden salad, pasta salad with trifle and a nice refreshing homemade cheesecake for dessert. Leftovers will be consumed throughout the evening and even next day. See simple and delicious and easily prepared.

I know that I have been quiet here again and I can’t promise things will change, but I do value all of my readers and your comments really cheer me up.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Sleep...



It's a quarter past 7am. I have been up since 4.30am, far to early, as it makes for a very long day for me. I often sit here at my table drooping eyelids too tired to get up and go back to bed and also not wanting to because without assistance from the bloke as I cant get into a comfortable position. If I decide that I must lie down then my only hope is that sleep takes me out if it swiftly.

Do you know that some torturers used sleep deprivation during the wars?

I know I am not alone in the non-sleeping stakes. I have friends who spend many 'sleeping hours' awake and indeed in my own family there are a few who share this unwanted problem. My youngest daughter is one. Often when I am dragging my body our of bed, she is just turning her light out. Her problem was so bad at one time it caused her to leave her job.

The bloke is a good sleeper. His only sleep problem is me! He is very, very cranky if he gets woken. Can't blame him. I am restless in my sleep and get pains in my back and hips. I have suggested having separate rooms and he has slept on occasion in the lounge, but mostly he sleeps in our king sized bed.

At the moment with two kids living here we are short on spare bedrooms. Well there is my 'craft room", but I am not surrendering that again. I have a lot of 'stuff' that needs a home.

Therefore we put up with the situation, and hope it can get better. Luckily my bpap machine is quiet ad the oxygenator is parked outside our bedroom door so the noise from that is minimal.

Sleep is an interesting thing to me.We all need it but have varying degrees of success in achieving a restorative sleep session.
When I look at Jacob, my grandson sleeping I think how his brain and body is growing and marvel at every little smile, grimace, frown and arm flutter he displays on his cute little face whilst asleep.
There is nothing I like better than to sit here on my sofa and watch this child sleep. We put a couple of pillows on the seat next to me and he sleeps there with a light blanket covering him. He doesn't like blankets, like most babies. He will often sleep 2-3 hours next to his Nonna. Ah...bliss.






Jacob asleep on his mama. Don't ya love they way babies hang onto your clothes whilst they sleep?





This is Jacob just after waking up from a sleep. How gorgeous is he.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Post Wedding Roundup



Hello. It's five days post wedding and life for me is returning to normal. Such a big event is both physically and emotionally draining. Usually I am quick to cry but I tried hard not to get too teary, and I did well. On the morning of the big day I was wide awake at 3 am  This was not good as I knew I would be very tired by early evening. The girls all went to have their and make-up done and I was left at home getting my hair done by my hairdresser. Once they arrived home the photographer arrived to start snapping pictures. And then it was time for me to get dressed as I was going to the venue before all the girls did. The bloke also dressed in his newly purchased outfit and he did look dapper in his attire. On arriving at the beautiful gardens we soon realised that the area chosen for the ceremony was in full sun and would be too hot. This was fixed quickly by moving chairs to a lovely spot under the wide spreading, shady tree.
As family and friends gathered for the nuptials there was excitement and nerves in the air. The groom was feeling a little emotional and nervous, and I knew once my daughter, his bride arrived he would be teary. Once the celebrant started the 'walking down the aisle' music all heads turned to watch as first the bridesmaids then the beautiful, elegant bride on the arm of her proud father swept down the lovely stone path.
The lead bridesmaid, my second eldest daughter, carried baby Jacob in her arms, and gave him to his father, the groom. That made me teary; that little boy has that affect on me.
As we all watched the bride walk to her groom my heart swelled with pride. The bride looked exquisite in her simple but elegant off the shoulder dress. Lace around the neckline and little beads scattered across the dress. It also had a small train which looked superb. Her natural beauty shone through.The bridesmaid dresses looked great, with the various shades of dark and pale purple. Purple and ivory were used as the theme.

The marriage ceremony was meaningful as the couple had chosen their own vows.
The weather was perfect. It was like we had dialed in the weather conditions.

The food was lovely and consisted of roast beef and pork, roasted potato and pumpkin,  beef lasagna, fettuccine carbonara and a Greek salad. Dessert was a mini pavlova or trifle. The dancing was great to watch and I admit to feeling left out at not being able to dance, though the others did a good job. Many of the younger people were flinging their arms and legs around and having a ball.
By the time we got home it was midnight and I was very tired.
The wedding was so  much better than I imagined and most importantly the happy couple were pleased with it. So what a year this has been so far. In August I become a first time grandma and now two months later I am a mother-in-law.
Life really does go full circle.
Hope you enjoy the photos. Yes that's me with the bloke in the last pic. I am really not happy at my pictures, but wanted to add it.


















































Friday, October 19, 2012

Eve of the Wedding

It's 3am on the eve of our eldest DD's wedding. For some reason I found myself wide awake at this ridiculously early hour, on a day that is going to be very full on. As I sit here at my table, in a house that is still very quiet, my mind runs through the days events. Breakfast, before the bloke has to run off and attend a work place safety meeting. Then he is home to collect me and all the decorations and props needed to set up for the wedding. Of we go with all of our girls and the groom to set up. He is stressing that it will take longer than he has time for. We tell him no, once our girls are in action it will be done in no time. Then home again to get cars washed. In the meantime I will be looking after our grandson, with his mum needing to do various other chores. Somewhere in all this we need to make a dessert to take with us tonight as we are going to my sisters place for a BBQ. I'm really excited about this because we will be meeting up with my extended family who have travelled up for the wedding. Whew! There is a whole lot more going on of course, but I won't list it all here.
I think it's going to be a multiple coffee day for me, I don't have the energy to get through it otherwise. Of course, I won't have to do the donkey work, as I will have to use my wheelchair, my role will be chief baby sitter and director of productions. Great jobs I think.
I know there will be tears on the day, I've been quite emotional for the past week or so. I will take my sun glasses, to help disguise my tears.
As my mind roams through the twenty seven years of memories I have with my daughter, I feel so proud of this young woman and all her achievements. She is a very caring, determined, capable, clever person. She is laid back and takes things in her stride, and is calm in the face of high drama. She takes after her dad in this regard, and I'm glad. Tomorrow as she stands with her partner with their two month old baby in his arms, I know the bloke and I and her for sisters will be wishing them a happy, long life together. With all our loved ones and friends watching on, the scene is set for a very special sharing of love. Oops, got to go, my eyes are leaking again.
I will return after the wedding with a few pictures.

Wish us luck.


Sunday, October 14, 2012

It's Nearly Time

                                                               Pinterest photo source

It's been a while since I wrote, but this blog will let you know some of the things I have been up to. Overall, there has been the wedding stuff to work on. That is the final numbers, menu choices, drink choices, decorations and on and on. Of course a late venue change added a little extra tempo to the preparations. The venue my daughter has had booked for months, called her two weeks out from the wedding to say they had just realised that there was another event occurring on the same day, but this wouldn't interrupt the wedding. We couldn't believe it, but then again they had not been the easiest people to get along with. The bride and groom to be decided that they were not happy with this situation and so my daughter & I started thinking of alternative venues. Despite this being a popular month for weddings, we were fortunate that another venue was available and with prompt action the it was booked, menu chosen, monies paid. We are so lucky that our daughter is a placid, calm person, as she did not throw a tantrum or dissolve into tears which a lot of other brides might have. I think I was more stressed.
All through the days of planning, making, and all other things involved in organising a wedding I have been able to spend many hours with my darling grandson. He is a happy kid, and developing into a real cute character. He loves me singing to him and he loves listening to The Seeker's, Morning Town Ride. It usually calms him down and he goes to sleep. We make up a little nest next to me on my couch or he goes into his bassinet, which has been bought to our house for his use.



He is a most cherished child, and is responding very well to us. He smiles, giggles s little, burps loudly and easily, yawns quite loudly too, just like his Pop (The Bloke). I must add that Pop has really taken to this baby boy. He goes out to their car when he hears them pull into the driveway and he always has his arms open for a cuddle. My sister had told me that having grand-kids would be the best thing in the world, and they weren't wrong.
So be sure to check back in a couple of weeks or sooner as I will post some wedding pics and a commentary on how things went. I'm feeling a little anxious as it will be my first official outing in my wheelchair in my own home town, wish me luck.

Until next time,

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Behind Closed Doors


It's a cool, breezy day today and I am not feeling that well to be honest. I have a sore head and that is not going to feel much better for a while as the bloke is using power tools. The relentless drone and high pitched squeal of the wood trimmer thingy (very technical I am) is making my ears wobble. The Bloke went into the local Bunnings yesterday and purchased a new solid wood door. We have been dwelling in this place for a little over 17 years and we have been talking about replacing the carport entry door with a more solid structure. The one that was there until about 3 hours ago was a less sturdy construct with a real dodgy doorknob. Not only was it a pain to unlock, it was quite a security risk as it was what they call an 'internal type door', originally intended to be used on the interior of a home and not as a 'keep bad people' out type door. What were the builders thinking?
Anyway, after a short discussion we located one we liked which was at a price we liked-seriously you should check out the prices of some more flasher doors!
Today was the big day. The bloke and one of my DD's removed old door, hung new door and it was then they discovered a few issues that made a reasonably simple job into much more than first thought (aren't home reno jobs always like this?). So now the bloke has to shave some of the new door down. Okay done that. Then his able assistant rushes of to a lunch time meet up with her friend. Then the bloke realises that the former door was recessed into the surrounds so he needs to now remove the bottom section of metal. Okay lots of noise here, my ears vibrating with the very loud sounds. Some swearing took place, not too bad considering, and then of course the power tool thingy breaks so it is off to the shop for a replacement. At least there is peace and quiet for an hour or so, bet the neighbors are relieved too. So I'm hoping he gets it done by night time as I wont be happy to retiring to my bed knowing that our fortress has been left unmanned.
Silly really to think this, with the amount of noise exuding from this place at night would be thieves would be to frightened to come in.
Take last night for instance. I went to bed at about 9pm. I fall asleep fairly easily once I have my Bi-pap machine on, but was woken a short time later by the sounds of our dust buster revving up under my bed! I recall asking in a Darth Vader like voice what the heck was going on. I was told it was our youngest daughter trying to scare that cats that were under our bed. The bloke wanted to shut our door, but didn't want them in the room with us! Okay, what's the problem doesn't everyone do this? At least once in their lifetime? Mm mm
Anyway, it must have disturbed my sleeping rhythm as I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. I am very tired about now.
Well to jump back to the door discussion the next thing to decide once it is hung successfully it what colour to paint it. I initially thought black would be the one, but after reading some home decor blogs it seems that black might not be the go with my style house and the existing colour scheme. So my next choice is red. Someone has suggested to not paint it and varnish it so you can see the wood. I'm not sure, as I have always wanted a striking painted entry door, just like the ones they have in those dreamy house and garden mags.
So after a whole post on a door, tell me what colour your door is and if you had your choice what colour would you paint your door?
I'll let you know when the colour is decided, and yes there will be photos too.
Alas neither the turquoise of the yellow doors belong to my abode, wish they did though.

                                                     Photo source

Till later,

[edited to add that we have chosen Kimono Red for the door, and it goes on tomorrow.]

Friday, September 21, 2012

Appreciating the small things

Happy Friday. Even though I'm not working any more I still get a buzz when Friday comes along. I am not sure why I get excited but it could be the memory of when I did work and Friday signaled the last day before I could sleep in, take the pace a lot slower, go shopping, and enjoy the almost festive feeling. So I think it is funny that after four years at home I still get the vibe.
I have to say that we have been having some very nice days weather wise. I feel more energized on the sunny, bright, but not too hot days. Spring is in the air in this part of the world, and despite the hay fever things are looking good.
I am sure for some reading these ramblings of mine they must wonder at the banality of my daily existence. I often do as well. However, if the last four years of self exclusion from my community has taught me anything, it must be to appreciate the small things. And I do.

                                                          Local flora photo by my BIL

Of course my life has become a whole lot happier with the arrival of my grandson. That little fella just melts my heart. I got to cuddle him every day this week and even looked after him on Tuesday while his mum went and did some shopping. He slept most of the time, only waking for a bottle, or two, of expressed breast milk and then went back to sleep with a contented look on his face. Ah..the bliss of a contented, sleeping baby. 



So I have a question for you now. What things do you appreciate? What do Fridays mean to you? 

Until next time, 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Much Happier Days

Hello and welcome back to my place. A lot of things have kept me busy since I last wrote and I have the pictures to show it. There are plenty more pics in my other camera, these ones are from my iPhone as it is just that more convenient to use in a hurry. The little Fella is changing daily almost. He is getting cuter by the day and his black hair seems to be growing; in fact his mother thinks it will be curly like hers. That would be so lovely blue eyes and black curly hair.



He looks so adorable and in the bottom pic he looks like he is executing a karate move. :)
He has the most darling, soft fingers, which are long and strong. He is quite tall too, so I think he takes after my side of the family there. I love listening to the dreams and plans they have for this boy. As every parent wishes nothing but the nest for their offspring.

I have been working hard on my latest quilt project and have to report that I finished the quilt top last night. It gave me a few challenges along the way and the unpick-er was near by the whole time, but I didn't need to re-do much at all. I am pleased with the end result, although I am yet to quilt and bind it.


Above the photo shows just one of the many fiddly things one must do when making a quilt like this one. Lots of small cutting. Lot of fiddly piecing. Measure twice, even three times and then it might be okay.
Making up the twelve star blocks, tricky and you must try and be accurate. Well I did try...





Ironing after each step is really vital if you want fabric seams to sit right and it adds a more professional look to the piece. I have skipped the ironing steps and paid the price, I mean there is only so much pulling and tugging you can do in order to make pieces fit.
Okay this is a picture taken of the quilt top before I attached the two borders. I'm not sure why the pic is not a good one, it really does not show the fabric off to it's full beauty. However I am sure that once I have quilted it another photo will be taken.


And this is a pic of 'Neville', the spare cat who resides with us now as it seems his original owners have moved on and forgot to tell poor ol Nev. He is not liked by all of my family, and he can be annoying with his demands but I like him. He sits by me sometimes and sleeps. Though he does get a bit naughty and has nipped me a few times.
I am going to finish up here as I am sure there are other blogs you want to go read. A sing out to my regular readers who comment or email me. I appreciate every connection, it means a lot to me and gives me a real buzz.

Be back soon...

Friday, August 31, 2012

How Fast is this year going



Wow it's Friday again. I think that someone has time on high speed because the days go fast. One of
my daughters informed me that is Christmas in 4 months time and I had to count to make sure she was correct. And she was!

We wont have a full contingent again this year as the second eldest is going to Darwin with her partner for a couple of weeks. However it will still be a nice time due to having a baby to celebrate with. I have always felt that Christmas is more special when there are small children around. Although bub will be just four months old, I am sure we will all have much fun showing him the great things about family and get together's .
I am already planning to make him his first Christmas stocking.

 I have been working on a new project this week. It is another quilt, no surprise there I suppose. It is a pattern I have not tackled before and it is giving me a real big challenge. However I am still in the early stages of cutting out the hundreds of small pieces and then ironing them to try to ensure they ft nicely together. That is one of the many frustrations of sewing when I need to sit down. Usually cutting on a mat with a rotary cutter is done standing up. That way the right amount of pressure and visuals leas to accurate measuring, cutting and then sewing. If you stuff up in the early stages, which I often do then it ends up in me having a huge problem down the track. But I do my best with what I have got, so unless I want to enter a quilt competition, then that's all fine in the end.

I have a friend coming over to visit me soon, and I am happy that she can make time to do that. I really do appreciate that I know good people who don't mind having to come to me all the time. Yesterday another lovely friend visited and it was great time because my daughter arrived with Jacob not long after so she had a nice long cuddle with him. It's amazing though how your arms ache from holding such a little bundle. Of course he slept through the whole lot. He does that, sleeps a lot during the day but at night he is little Mr wide awake. Still he is not even two weeks old yet so that is expected.

Health wise, not much has changed although I have been quite breathless this past month. I am never sure what this is from-the heart dysfunction, lungs or allergies. It makes walking harder and of course I am less likely to want to do it then. On a happier note I am feeling much more content mentally. This is good. I haven't heard form my GP for a while though, but I wont call her unless I am feeling crook. I am waiting on some tests that she was arranging but because they are ones I am not keen on having I am not chasing her up about them. Not smart I know, but my anxiety escalates greatly when I think of the logistics of the scans and the huge potential for shame, as it is a gynecological issue. And it is a male who will be doing the investigation.



Today our middle daughter Emily (in the photo above) drove to the city as she and her friend fly out tomorrow night to Hong Kong for two weeks. Of course I am doing my usual thing and worrying about her driving there, then being in a foreign country. I really love that she is going to new places and that she gets to experience other cultures. I have a dream that I will be able to travel one day when I am healthier. However I do realise that there is a strong possibility that I will never leave this place.

I am sorry to say that some pictures I was going to post are not accessible from this laptop. The bloke recently purchased a new computer for me and now that I have the ipad, this dying laptop and the new flash one, my pics are downloaded everywhere. Once my daughter has time I am hoping she will help me synchronise all three.


All the best,


Monday, August 20, 2012

A Baby is Born




Jacob Philipp Hubon

Born 18th August, 2012
8.07 am
9 lb
Our first grandchild has arrived. He is a little beauty, although maybe not so little at 9 lb. Both mum and bub are doing fine. A midwife did discover he was tongue tied that was interfering with his feeding but the doctor just snipped it and all is well. 
He has stolen our hearts.
So welcome to the family little boy. We hope your future is filled with the best life can offer. We are here for you forever. Your aunties are all besotted with you. They are going to make your life interesting I think. 






Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Quilt of My Life


Hi. I have finally summoned up the energy and enthusiasm to write another post, after my efforts on Monday vanished into thin air. It was a brilliant piece too, even if I do say so. Modest aren't I?
Anyway, it's been a big week for various reasons, including the second anniversary of my mum's death, and also eleven years since my best friends little girl passed, (she was just three years old).
It's times like this that see me deep in contemplation. Grieving for the loss of these loved ones from our lives, happy that we were lucky enough to know them and wondering if we will meet again.

As I said to my friend our memories will never fade, and our love lives on.
Additionally, this week and maybe even today, two people whom I have known for many years may be coming to visit. One person is someone who I used to work with, and have known since my eldest daughter was in grade 3, and the other is another long time friend who moved away and we lost contact for a while. The thing is with the last person, I had tried to contact via email, text and facebook messages, with no response at all. Heck I even wrote to her on her facebook page without any response so when she called me about two weeks ago I was most surprised, but warmly welcomed her call and now she is in town and wants to come visit me. So we shall see what happens there. 
Do things like that happen to you to? 
I feel awkward sometimes as I wonder what they may say when they see me in the situation I am now in.
I also must admit that their impending visit is arousing a little anxiety in me as their has previously been much diet and weight loss talk involved and to be honest where I am now I just don't want to go there. It leaves me feeling inadequate and a failure. I tend to want to eat more than usual after they leave. This happens when others who visit me do it too. I have not worked out a polite way of telling them to stop with the diet speak, the ideas they have for saving myself, to lose weight for the new baby, so I can be there for my family, so I can go back to work again. Even my psychologist discusses the latest vegan craze or particular eating methods. 
Stop already folks! 
I wonder what their true motives are for offering me all sorts of reductionist ideas. We tend to all think that people who do this do so from a place of care, it's '├žos they love us, want us to 'get better', live longer. 
You know, I don't disregard them entirely, but when I am struggling to keep myself going, to prevent myself from going under on the waves that I call depression, it is so much harder. But for some time now, I have noticed a lightening in my moods and where once I despaired of ever being happy again, I am feeling that emotion much more often. 
I have no wish to not exist any more. 
I am enjoying a collection of moments that pieced together make the quilt of my life. And what a beauty it is too. 


Well my lovelies, if your wondering about my daughter and her pregnancy status, she is still holding on. Official due date is next Thursday, however there are signs he might arrive earlier. But then again my first baby was overdue and this little blessing might be too. Rest assured you will be hearing from me then.

So take care and enjoy the moments...

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Sunday Night



Hello lovelies. Gee I always think I will come back and write a new post every week, but I just don't get to it. But I am here now and happy to let you know that I am feeling better this week. Of course it's always a day by day thing and luckily this week is not too bad so far. I even attempted some sewing yesterday. I have been wanting to make a small quilt for a gift for some time and finally got the 5"squares sewed together and even the sashings   put on when I realised that I had a made a fatal error which of course led to another big error-I call it the domino effect. Needless to say early this morning whilst the household was still asleep, I sat on my chair unpicking the seams. I see it as my penance for making the mistakes. 


We're still waiting on the arrival of the stork. My poor girl is feeling quite fed up now and is just waiting for the baby to make his appearance. Those last few weeks really drag don't they? She is much more stoic than I was. At the first hint of pain I was off up to the maternity ward, only to be sent home again. Oh I am so glad that is all past me, I can just enjoy the grand-kids now.




I added the above photo as I love the vibrant colours of the orchid. This is one of my brothers plants, he has gardened all his life and it very good at it. He recently moved and has purchased a most perfect home in a lovely suburb of Perth and he has reduced the garden a lot. He has health issues that mean he does not have the stamina he once had.


You may be wondering why I put a picture of me at the top of this post. I did it as I become more comfortable with exposing myself. Of course I mean that in the nicest sense, I do have a little decorum. :)
It's my way of becoming more visible. Early days yet but I'm working on unleashing myself into the public arena. I say to myself that I have nothing to fear, but truthfully, I lack the confidence necessary to withstand the expected taunts and shaming that I have endured in the past...why are some people intent on making others feel so shit?


Anyway, this has been a bit of a mixed post, but at least I am still here and keeping on.
I am feeling better than before.


Thank you to everyone who takes the time to comment, it is very welcomed. One thing though, many of you don't have an email I can reply to, so if this has been overlooked by you you might want to change your settings so I can email back.


Thanks friends,