Thursday, April 26, 2012

How to get motivated

Motivation. Do you have any? I need some, and sooner the better. It's been especially short of supply since I have up paid employment. With all the time in the world to get things done, or not as is the case for me, there were no time limits, no deadlines to meet. Having a jovial, easy going husband didn't help me keep my previous standards up. Laid back Larry, as I call him, didn't seem to mind when the bills were paid as long as they got paid. Likewise for the meals, as long as there was food in the house, something could be made. So that brings us to an important reason why I need motivation. My health. Yep, the same old thing I've been banging on here about. And everywhere else, much to the frustration of some people I'm sure. I seem unmotivated to work toward changing habits that keep me in this vortex of hopelessness. 

I had a visit from my doctor yesterday and among various checks like oxygen saturation, blood pressure and pulse she asked me if I had managed to make an appointment with a psychologist to work on getting motivated. I had to tell her no I hadn't. I have felt unable to make the call that will supposedly lead me to becoming motivated. Now, before some people think that I am being hopeless and non compliant, I want to explain that seeing therapists is not something new to me. I have been in and out of therapy for well over 10 years; not continual I hasten to add, but sporadic episodes of enthusiastic beginnings which inevitably end with me feeling not much further along in the road. Yes I then feel like I have failed. Both them and myself. I feel a sense of shame that I didn't get it, whatever 'it' is. Well not enough to make the changes necessary to fix my weight problem. I guess this is why I am hesitant to go this route again. I fear failure. 
Today I have made a call and left a message for the preferred psychologist because my doctor told me she wasn't coming back to see me until I had; a great incentive I think.

 She needs to be tough with me.

Another of my tasks is to sit outside on the patio for a while, to overcome the anxiety I have about going 'out their'. And she wants the photographic evidence of said task. Geez she is a funny lady.

So that is tomorrows challenge. I am thinking there will be some who read this post thinking what is she going on about-not going outside. But that explanation can wait for another day and another post. It's all part of the terrible fear off falling.
So with that all said I think I am done with today's ramble. And I also just thought that ig anyone has any questions relating to any content on my blog please email me. Depending on the request I may or may not answer you.
P.S I have just has a txt message from an old friend to arrange a catch up tomorrow. A perfect opportunity to attempt the patio sitting event. I'll let you know how I go, and if the pic looks okay I might even let you see. :)

So until next time,

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Some days are like this

What do you think about this little fellow? It is a little green foam frog that the bloke thought would look better if he stuck the small lights from an old torch onto it's head. These little lamps kept glowing for a few weeks. I can tell you it was quite eerie when you glanced at the fridge and noticed the glow.

Time is going by at a fast rate; for me anyway. It's not that my days are full with tasks and jobs that consume hours and hours though. To be honest I'm not even sure what I do. A bit odd you might think. I know my day starts with waking to feel tremendous pain throughout my entire body, but much worse in the lower back. This is understandable when you are the size I am and sleeping on two quilts and three pillows under your head is bound to put a body out of shape. I think the start of our cooler weather also contributes somehow. I am so stiff for at least an hour and half after I get out of bed.
Anyway, I'm sitting here on my day couch/nest and a lot of the pain has gone. I have the t.v on as I do most mornings. I like to watch the morning show Sunrise and and feel comforted by their familiar voices. Whilst this is on I turn on my ipad or laptop and check through my emails, catch all the updates on facebook  and I also visit a forum I belong too. Well that takes some time and I find it allows me to settle my self for the day. After that show finishes at 9am that is my cue to turn the t.v off and take up what ever it is I'm in the mod for that day. If it is a Tuesday like today then I will most likely start drawing and doodling trying to work out on paper what my next project will be. And Tuesday mornings my eldest sister visits me for a cuppa and a chat. After we have done that for a good while it is 12pm and time for lunch. One of my daughters prepares lunch for me and when that's eaten, and depending on the energy levels I might start sewing.

Just little things unless I have a big project I'm working on. And if I have had a bad night like I did last night then I am usually nodding on and off all day. It's terrible as I move in and out of wakefulness. I have had quite a few days like this lately because I have been experiencing some issues with my  Bipap machine. I suffer from sinus problems and when they are blocked I find it nearly impossible to wear the mask. This is not a good thing. The carbon dioxide builds up in my body and results in the afore mentioned sleepiness. And after a day of this it is soon heading toward 5pm. See, how my day can pass quickly without doing much at all. Of course there are days when I have been able to sleep properly and then the energy levels improve and I am able to create whether it is sewing, quilting or my new found addiction of scrap booking. Below is the first page completed. Quite basic, but I'm happy with it.

It's just occurred to me that I am writing this post whilst having one of those tired Tuesdays. I hope it makes sense. If it doesn't let me know, we all need a laugh now and then, and I don't mind if it's with me.

Take care people,

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Cake, Cats & Softies

Mid week already. Having a public holiday on the Monday certainly shortens the week for me, although at times it is hard for me to tell what day it is. The Bloke works a 4 day on 4 day off roster so he doesn't have the traditional weekends off. 
The picture above shows one of the many rainbow cupcakes one of my girls made on the weekend for a party she was attending. These little colourful gems were very delicious. Shame we only got to eat a few of them, but better for my health that I didn't. I love those deep colours, just so pretty.

Now for something completely different let me introduce you to the our latest visitor to our home. He arrived about a month or so ago after following one of my daughters' cat home one day. He was shy and hesitant at first but gradually became bold enough to walk into our bedroom, via the open screen door on our verandah. I was surprised to see him at first and was amused when he seemed to take it for granted that he was allowed to come in any time he felt like it. If the door is shut he meows until he is let in. Now someone obviously owns this cat as he has a collar and a disc with a mobile number on it, but as he leaves us and returns home each day I don't see the point in calling the number. I'm enjoying the affection he gives us, especially the toe rubbing, I love that. I call him sparecat. He is not a stray he is owned but he visits us so hence the name.

Close-up of Sparecat
Of late I have had a penchant for making softies. As in those fabric squishy toys. I have had some felt stored away for just this reason and with the huge upsurge of softies making in the craft community I thought I would give it a go. Then my second eldest DD bought me this great little book- Simple Softies: For the whole family, and within a day I was creating. My first pick was a Kitty Sampler (of course I made it in my own style) softie, which appeared to be the easiest one to make. And guess what? It was. All the patterns in this book can be made by children as they are all hand sewn. If you want to do craft with your kids then this book is a sure thing.

And as I create my project an unplanned process takes place. My intended design takes on a whole new look. Instead of the Kitty sampler I ended up with a little pig. This was mainly due to me being not too good (read hopeless) with the hand embroidery art. So in a twist I decided on using buttons for the eyes and upon searching for suitable little eyes glanced upon the snout shaped button fit for a little pig. He is very cute. Of course this now renders him unsuitable for small people so I will just keep him for my personal collection of oddities; of which I have many.

The last picture shows all of the softies I have made this year-a real basket case I think. There is the elephant, 3 owls, and little red pig. I have an order for a dinosaur too, so once I am organised will give it a go. Well I hope you enjoy my show and tell.

I will stop right here as it is nearly dinner time and I need to pack my stuff away for the evening.
I hope everyone is well and doing something that makes them happy.

Take care,

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Mad Saturday

It's been very quiet around here for a while now. I am wondering if anyone is reading the blog now. I guess there have been times when I don't blog and I know people can lose interest quickly and go on to other more scintillating blogs. Gee I will be the first to admit that my posts are from exciting. Life for me is fairly pedestrian and it seems that unless I have a major illness there is not much to write about. But all is good folks. This blog is serving as a diary to remind me and future generations about what I and others got up to. Has anyone else seen the offers of turning your blog into a hard copy record? I am so tempted and one time I even went as far as filling in the blanks and seeing what my book could look like. The problems started when the photos wouldn't load as they were too large. Despite one of my DD's best attempts we could not get them small enough to use. So that was left alone.
But one day I do hope to proceed with this project so the generations ahead may have an idea what we were about.

Saturday afternoon here and apart from music playing in my D'D's room as she and her sister get ready for the mad hatters party they are attending tonight. They have spent the morning baking rainbow cupcakes, making a lovely fresh tray of crudites and dip and also the favourite party food of cob loaf with a lovely dip. Mmmm, no luck at getting a look in there-they are strictly for the party mum!
I'll take some photos when they are all dressed up, I'm sure they will look great. 

On sewing matters I have been sewing some small projects this past week. A lovely friend named Lesley was the catalyst behind my getting back into sewing again. She makes these pretty owls and now I can too. So far I have made three. One tall one and two shorter.

Do you know what a collective of owls is called? A parliament. Yep odd isn't it? My DD looked it up on google last night. Who knew?

These were pretty quick and easy to make which is why it helped me get back into the swing of things. I am still to tackle the scrap booking projects. I am reluctant to start for fear that I may make things look ugly. I can be so clueless at times, but once I get going I'm okay. 

Actually, now that I come to think about it there has been a lot happening here. I finally got the courage to get on the scales again after quite a few weeks. You see I have been doing a fair bit on non-hungry eating and thought that I must have put the weight I had shed back on. Thankfully I hadn't and I was also another kilo lighter. So all up since the January health scare I have shed about 24 kilograms. Of course I wasn't that happy as I could have lost even more had I adhered to my original plans. 
That's the odd thing with my weight issues. Because I have so much to loose, the small losses never feel like a victory to me.
Additionally it has been very hard on my family who get to hear my shenanigans as I bemoan all the things I shouldn't eat, the restrictions that cause me great anguish, the doubt every time I put food into my mouth. The thing I find most interesting is the tighter the restrictions the more I tend to focus on food. I wake up thinking about what I will eat. After I have eaten the food then I feel almost bereft, knowing that the joy I felt is such short lived and I now need to wait a suitable time before getting to do it again. I probably shouldn't be admitting to these behaviours however as this is my blog diary it might be helpful to look back on one day. 

Anyway, if there is anyone out there reading this blog can you send me a sign please.
O know you read this Coley so drop me a line some time eh? It get's lonely here.

Take care,