Monday, December 12, 2011

Final Episode

I hope you weren't waiting with excitement for my next exciting post cos I was AWOL for a couple of days. I was not feeling like writing plus was lucky enough to have visitors.
But this story will conclude today so it may be lengthy. Or not. I will see how I go.

My experiences of being pushed in a wheelchair are mixed. On one hand I was so pleased to be able to go with the bloke into shops and other places without wondering if I would make it. Well in fact at this stage of my life I most definitely would not have. I can walk a few paces with a lot of puffing and groaning. It almost takes all my breath and I do become quite anxious. It is a most horrid feeling to struggle for air. I am also a little more anxious because for the few years before my mum died she suffered with emphysema.
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, on the one hand I had the safety of the wheelchair. That is if you dismiss the blokes uncanny knack of pushing me into any object in our vicinity, but on the other this was all done in the public eye. The first day I was quite surprised by my lack of concern at the stares, glares and pure stunned ogles. lol This is a big thing for me. I tuned out of others possible negativity and tuned into the happiness of the bloke and I. He was also pretty pleased at having me with him. He often says he loves shopping but he wishes I was with him, as that would make it even better. Gotta love him eh?
It is quite confronting to rely on someone else in this manner. I worked for about ten years in the disability sector. First as a support worker, then co-coordinator of an agency and then later on as the executive manager. And although I had great rapport and empathy I did not fully understand until I experienced similar things. Like not fitting in some shop doors, or down the aisles.

Well folks I have been writing this blog post for the past three days. I just didn't have the energy to complete it in one sitting. Yes things are that bad. I am not happy to report that I am still having issues with overcoming the claustrophobic sensation of the masks. I am working on it with desensitising or flooding as it is also called. There is another thing I am doing but honestly I can not remember what it is. This is a legacy of the brain being deprived of oxygen. Not a good thing. My brain is so tired that it is shutting down on me. Memories, especially short term is very much affected.
So with that I will leave it all there.
I really must give in to this urge to nap...

Till next time....

1 comment:

  1. Jan, sorry to hear you are so tired. You are working with the masks and if you persevere with it you will get there.

    Glad that you could, for the most part, ignore the horrid people when out, luckily not everyone is so ignorant.I also used to work with people with severe disabilities and it pissed me off (excuse me) when people stared rudely and it wasn't even me they were looking at.This was in a small town so access was an issue in a lot of areas but we tried to educate people we came in contact with (as well as being quite vocal when needed :).

    You are a strong beautiful woman who can write wonderfully and has many talents. Don't forget that there is more to you than what is on the outside, it is only one aspect.

    Keep working on your health and don't forget to continue doing the things you love.

    Take care