I've been tuning in to ABC classical radio and it is proving to be quite refreshing from my usual radio station. Quite beautiful in fact and something very much needed at the moment. I need the serenity it makes me feel. So much has being going on in my little world. Nothing too exciting really, but still draining and wearisome. I have been doing a real number on myself for some time now and it has got to
the stage where I am about to put up the I surrender flag. By this I mean I have not been kind to myself or for that matter not as nice as I could be to others around me either. It has gotten me exactly nowhere but further into the dark abyss that is my depression.
So in accordance with the law of the universe that says when it is a beautiful, sunny, bright, full of potential day, one must be happy, smiling and content. I am. Just for the day though, and then I will see where I go from that. No promises. I am not accountable to anyone but myself. Much less pressure that way.
I have been trying to finish some projects and this has been one cause of my frustration. I am chronically tired so am only able to do things in small time increments. This is very annoying as I have the habit to rushing into things and wanting to get things done last week. Part of a much bigger problem I have. Anxiety/depression are the bane of many peoples lives including mine.
The battle has been big this year, and I am trying to cope the best I know. At the very least I am still here to be counted.
I have frequent visions that I rise from my self imposed nest of comfort AKA the lounge and walk into my kitchen and wash the dishes. I think of it at least three times each day. Then after that I clean the benches; removing every last crumb from every crevice. Then I clean the oven and cook top. Did you know it is good Feng Shui to have a clean cook top and oven? Yes apparently this is the money corner in your house. Heard that on 'The Morning Show' this morning.
Mundane thoughts you are probably thinking but for me they mean I am back participating in my life again. Trying to carry some of the burden that has fallen largely onto the blokes shoulders and to a much lesser extent my youngest daughter.
Some people reading this might wonder at my laziness, but truly I do have a rather major mobility issues that prevents me moving around much and I am unable to stand longer than 2-3 minutes.
But the dream of having my hands in a warm, soapy sink full of dirty plates fills me with hope. (Yes I am easily pleased). I do have a dishwasher, but the need, yes need to wash dishes sits in me. :)
I want to feel productive to the household again and not be a burden. It is not a good place to be that's for sure.
And get this. On Monday night I made a lemon cake. Yes I did. Of course the ingredients were bought to me but I did the rest. Why you ask? Well the bloke, being the kind, generous person he is listened to my ravings about wanting a decent mixer seeing as I had never really had one. So he went out and purhased the one I had researched. I made a great deal with out local electrical shop bloke, who knocked off quite a few dollars seeing as he only had one colour in stock. Red! Be still my beating heart. I love red. It looks so flash. 12 speed, very quiet compared to the thumper my mum had, 3 attachments-whisk, mixer and dough hook and it's motor is a 100 watt more powerful than the sought after Kitchenaid mixer. I am rapt.
Mine is the Kenwood Patissier which I present to you below. I love that it is all metal and not plastic. I love that the 4 litre bowl has a hande on it. Of course my cake didn't turn out perfect. I read the recipe as needing two cups of flour but it was really only one. So then I bunged in more flour, more sugar, more lemon chucked in some coconut for good measure. The cake had hardly any taste but it was not too bad, and served with cream it was quite eatable. Next time I will stick to s tried and true recipe and not one that I found on the net. Oh and by the way I have no affiliations with the makers of this mixer. :)
Well folks that's it for today, need to sew whilst the energy is there, it won't last.