Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Wednesday Wisdoms

One of the bouquets I got for mothers day
Good morning my friends. The sun is shining again today and I love that. The past two days have been overcast and that tends to make me feel a little droopy.
 But today I have plans. You see most days I don't have any set tasks to complete, I just let the day take care of itself. This is not good for me. I need direction. I need purpose in my life. As each hour passes and nothing is achieved I can feel quite hopeless and this in turn leads to me feeling depressed. Even medication can't lift it.

So my plan is to write a weekly and daily list of things I want and need to achieve. For over three years now I have just existed and have felt quite disengaged from my greater community. As someone who has spent their working life supporting other people to engage in their lives and connect with others, it is then ironic to be in this same position.
How did I even get here?

I think it was a case of mental and physical burnout. When my youngest went to school I decided to commence a uni course so I could eventually get a job. I chose to study social science and so for the next 6 years I did, part time via distance education. For anyone not familiar with this mode of study it is bloody hard. There were no tutorials to attend, difficult at times to contact tutors and course coordinators. The study was very much self driven and so while caring for five kids mostly on my own due to the bloke working away I stuck this out. Oh I forgot that I was also working part time and then full time toward the end. It was a big ask. Bad enough if you were a healthy specimen but doubly difficult for me due to being excessively fat, and I am talking death fat here folks. So as a matter of course towards June 2008, I was flat out trying to stay upright. Eventually I had to acknowledge that I could no longer ignore the pain and discomfort I felt. With a heavy heart I tended my resignation, feeling like a failure. But in all conscience I felt that I could not give my clients 100% either so I needed to take a break.
Well I never really got better, instead I slid into a decline of mammoth proportions. You know the type-can't get out of bed, everything is crap, bah-humbug sorta stuff!
Gradually my enjoyment for life diminished.
I saw psychologists, a naturopath, purchased self help books by the dozen, had anti depressants prescribed.

Fabric Love

One of my early quilts

And then a funny thing happened. A long term friend of mine, who is a quilter, introduced me to the modern day quilting fabrics. Well, although I had never previously been interested in any of it I was suddenly quite keen. I learnt from books, magazines, YouTube tutorials and a few well guided nudges from my friend. I thank her so very much for it too. Without this fantastic part of my life, who knows where I would be? I am a little scared to thing about it actually.

Tablecloth I made for my daughter who has just moved into her first home

So there you have it, whether you wanted to know or not. :)

I am getting there, I must the road is before me and I am still travelling. I take the little moments and enjoy them. I love hearing from friends and followers who do me the honour of reading my humble little ramblings. It means so much to me.

So to the plan I am going to work on it and then put it into a post so I can remember it and so you can see what I am up to, if you want to.

I hope you find some joy today.



  1. Jan, good luck with your list. I think I need to do the same and organise my life a bit more. I'm feeling a bit tired lately.
    Beautiful photo of the oriental lilies :) They are my favourite flower - I had pink ones in my bridal bouquet. Gorgeous!
    Nice getting to know you a little more ^_^

  2. Hi Jan I do a goals list for each day. Some days it changes . Today it's just to get through this day without allowing my mind to take over my thoughts :) other days it maybe an area in the house that needs some attention.
    Thanks for being so open and honest. I had my own breakdown nearly 2 years ago. I am still on medication as a side effect of my break down is anxiety,big ups and downs,and the effects of any stress in my life still plays havoc on my body.

    Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement on trade Simple savings your thoughts are appreciated.