Sunday, July 22, 2012

So Very Tired

I get so frustrated that I cry. Without going into details, life has been hard lately. It seems that everywhere I turn I am reminded of my poor health and limitations. 

Life is unorganised and chaotic. Little frustrations pile up into bigger frustrations. 
I love my family, friends and living but at times it seems like they're all at war with each other...and I really can't cope. 

Big, deep breaths.
Big, tearful prayers.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Baby Shower

This past Saturday we held a baby shower for our eldest who is expecting her baby in about 
5 weeks. Her sisters organised it and it turned out very well. Lots of food-as is the custom in this family. All home made and delicious. The theme was blue, seeing as she is having a boy.

This was the first baby shower I have ever been to. I think they were around in my day, but I never had anyone offer to have one for me. Is it to late to have one if your child is 27 years old?
And the presents! Oh lord, there was heaps of them. This child has so many beautiful things. There were clothes including a little weeny flanno shirt, and the cutest little tuxedo onsie. This will be worn to the wedding in October. The toys looked interesting and I'm sure there repetitive sounds will eventually drive the parents a little crazy.

My daughters' MIL and SIL and her daughter traveled a long way just for this occasion. It was a really big effort on their part and nice to see them again as they are lovely people. 

Unfortunately my girl was feeling a bit crook on the day so she took it easy and rested on the bean bag. I always know when she is sick because her lovely blue eyes look all washed out. Happily she was okay by the next day. 
During the party we played a few games and it was nice to see everyone get into the swing of things. There was a lot of laughter, funny stories and great advice. Although we asked attendees not to discuss horror childbirth stories as they are terrible for a new mum to be to hear. Sadly, a few women have already regaled her with their dreadful experiences and she is now feeling a little worried. 
I enjoyed the afternoon not only because it was nice to have company in the house but also because I think how wonderful it is that before this child is even born he has people waiting  for his arrival with excitement and love. 
How wonderful it is to be born into such a welcoming and loving environment. I wish this for every baby. 
Once everyone had left I gazed around the empty room and thought about the future when this room would have a newborn baby in it. And then later on when a little, toddler boy will be running around the room. Or even better giving his nana big hugs. 
I am excited. Just five more weeks. Yep I know!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Connection Disconnection

Hello folks. I seem to be getting quite poor at keeping my blog up to date. In fact I have been wondering if there is a point to me keeping it going. I'm in two minds because I do actually enjoy writing, but due to my current situation I often don't feel I have anything worth writing about. Of course I can keep it going purely as a record of my life for myself, with no one else reading, but do I really want that? 
I enjoy, no I frigging love getting comments. I love that someone can take a few minutes to write to me, and connect on some level. It is no secret that I crave connection. Even more so since I took up my self imposed isolation. I do have a sister (actually I have four sisters and three brothers) who visits me every Tuesday, and I usually have a visit from my lovely friend Alinka weekly. Less often I get a visit from another long term friend Kay who makes me laugh and with whom I can forget my troubles for just a while. I am grateful to all these people. 
But there are many hours to fill, when there is nobody around. When the bloke goes to work from 5am-6pm, and the daughters are at work, there is just me. And mostly I am not the best company for myself. This is because I have time to think and dwell on my lot in life. I am renown for my anxiety. Small problems can become bigger due to the many what ifs. 
Furthermore my hunger for connection has seen me become a compulsive facebook user.  Love to hear up to the minute news from friends, family and acquaintances. Gee if it wasn't for fb how would I even know who is marrying who, whose pregnant, who is arguing with who, the latest purchases, where my friend had coffee or a meal. Yes I can live vicariously through them all. 
The off shoot of these type of electronic connections is that I have moved beyond purely online friendship to texting and even speaking on the telephone in some instances. It really makes a difference in my life. How much poorer would my little world be without it? 
I often hear people criticise facebook and other social media networks but like anything else it is what you allow it to be. It is about choice. I choose people I am interested in and who I wish to have contact with. Quite simple really. 
So this brings me back to the blogging thing. For the moment I will keep it going. I do want to keep my hand in, and maybe, just maybe, I might become inspired to write a must read blog, as good as any of the popular ones I read. 
So there you go, a lot said about not too much. I hope you are all doing well and find the time to give a shout out.

Until next time,