Hello
It's been a while since I last posted hasn't it? Well life has been moving along as it does and days fade into the night and then another new day presents itself. What we make of it is our choice. In my case I am a little disappointed in myself as I have not made much of my days like we planned whilst I was still in hospital. Of course I always knew that the transition once I was home again; getting back into my comfortable groove would prove challenging, though I did think for once that my resolve to better myself both physically and mentally would come easier due to the scare I had.
I am reporting here that is hasn't. Okay, I have put it out there now. Of course initially I was frozen by terror at what I had been through and what could happen should I fail to turn my life around. But as the memories of my days of being hospital become more distant my resolve is waning. Try harder I tell myself. I get disapproving looks from family members who are unhappy and worried that I am yet to change over forty years of living habits in just a few short weeks.
How would you feel when it seems everyone is telling you off, making suggestions that just don't sound possible. What about having others control what you will and wont eat. Making decisions based on their mood on the day. Withholding affections until I do the 'right thing'. Sounds ugly doesn't it? Well it is, but then so is being at deaths door and having a beautiful family watch.
So what to do now I ask?
It is after all down to me. I am the lead in this production. Everyone else from family to friends are the extras, although vital to the end product.
You know that I love blogging with pictures and because I have not had the nous to take and upload my own lately I am using these ones from my folder. They are from various sites on the net. If anyone can tell me the original poster I will credit them.
I hope to have some of my own for my next post which will be within the next day or so.
Stay tuned as I have some exciting (well to me anyway) news to tell. Nup, no hints. You will have to come back and read about it..
Hope you all are well and happy and doing something you love.
Jan, it is very hard to take advice from people who have not been in your situation even if they are family and care about you. Withholding affections is the worst thing to do becuase all that does is make you feel alone and then you rebel in the opposite direction. It sounds like what they are trying to do is decide your life for you without you having any imput therefore there is no compromise. Rome was not built in a day. It takes them working with you and you working with them to come to a compromise that is best for your health. Give and take on both sides. Have nothing in your house you cannot eat,explaining that if thats all you have they are helping you. Have containers of healthy snacks and if need be have six small meals a day rather than 3. Drink lots and lots of water. Transition takes time and patience, we all have time its the patience thats hard but you have got a strong inner woman and I know you can do it. Remember people love you and want to help you and you love them and want to be there for them. You can do it but you are not a child to be told what to do, stand up for yourself, you deserve too. Sending you much love and strength
ReplyDeleteThanks for the wise words Deb. I have got many things in place but need to do so much more.
ReplyDeleteIt's so awful that your family and loved ones are withholding affection. Bullying or willing somebody else or yourself to change is never going to happen. Love and compassion is the way:)
ReplyDeleteKeep being kind to yourself and do what you can when you can.
Dear Jan
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things are tough at the moment. I just had to say that I love your quotes, they are very inspirational!
I guess everyone deals with and processes the trauma of what you've been through very differently. I'm sorry that sometimes your family's reaction may not have been what you needed. Like you say, I do think it stems from your family loving you very much and desperately wanting you to be around for as long as possible.
I can't wait to see what you've been up to - I keep hoping it is something creative? :-)
Take care and keep going! x
I think your family means well and are acting out of desperation and fear. They want to bully you into losing weight. Though I understand their motives, what they are doing is very destructive. It's ultimately going to make it harder for you to succeed.
ReplyDeleteThe main problem is that they are sending the message that their love for you is conditional on your relationship with food changing and your weight loss. This is a recipe for making you feel unworthy and full of greater self-loathing which in terms increases the need to comfort yourself with food and makes it harder to deal with the suffering you endure while not eating. How is making you feel worse going to help you do something that already makes you feel bad? It compounds the difficulty.
What is more, your family's efforts to take control of your eating by manipulating their affection for you makes you feel all the more out of control of your life (and your food intake). What you need is to increase your sense of control, not to have more control taken out of your hands. It could insight a sense of rebellion against their efforts or make you feel even more hopeless.
The best thing for your family to do is offer loving encouragement and to give you whatever it is that you need to help you succeed rather than trying to withhold affection as punishment. You've been punished too much and that has put you where you are today. I hope you can talk about these things with them and things will get better, and, as always, hope for the very best for you. Take care.
Forget what everyone else is saying and plan a healthy breakfast. Because YOU want to. Think of everything that you want to do and how much easier it would be if you were healthier.
ReplyDeleteI'm not one to talk though, I'm way too heavy and unfit too.
Good luck with getting healthy, you deserve it.
Barb.