Sunday, January 1, 2012

Hello and welcome to 2012

Happy New Year

How nice is it to have a brand new year lie ahead for us? As I wrote previously I am not one for making new years resolutions. I used to, but found that by the year end, most of them were never realised. Instead I write down a list of goals I would like to achieve given the time and usually the money. This year there are numerous things going on my list. Things like getting the bloke to finish painting the bedrooms, (2 down three to go), changes to the garden in order to make it easier to look after in the drought like conditions.
Continue to declutter.
That word would have to be the buzz word of the past five or ten years wouldn't it? Everyone is at it all over the place. The problem is as soon as we get rid of some things a new lot sneaks back in the door. I used to have a system that if I bought something new into the home then I had to remove something else. But after a few years of neglect that system well and truly went out of the window.
So now, I do my best to buy less and remove an item when it is no longer useful to our family.

Anyway back to the list. Let's see. Oh yeah, I need to buy a wheelchair the next time we go to the city for a follow up sleep study appointment. I have put this purchase of for a while as it is a little difficult for me to comprehend that my health has deteriorated to this level. Someone close to me used to tell me; as a way of inspiring weight loss in me, that if I didn't watch what I ate I would end up in a wheelchair like my dad. Real helpful. NOT!
So now of course here I am on the verge of buying the said w/chair. Self fulfilling prophecy?
I have done my research and the one that looks like it best suits my needs is sold and available in Perth and it costs $1428. That is a big outlay, but if I want to move around outside my home then there is no choice really. As regular readers would remember I had the experience of using a chair last month, sheesh last year even. And it was fine using it where no one knew me, but it's another thing alltogether to be pushed around in my own home town where I have lived all my life and where I have worked.
Have to take a break, can't keep my eyes open.
Back again. Right where was I? Yes, meeting people I worked with will be the test. In some way I feel less of a person because I will be in a chair, and having to get the bloke to push me in it. It's not that I think people with different needs are inferior to me, not at all. I worked with and advocated for people who had a disability for many years. In fact I now have more empathy at the obstacles people in chairs face. My own father was in a chair and he was a big man. Initially he found it quite hard to accept it and he would Initially he found it quite hard to accept it and he would make a fuss quite often.
It's the vulnerability and the fact that you are dependant on someone else to get you where you want to go.

Wow that was more than a mouthful. Back to my list. I want to then be able to go to the dentist and have my eyes checked. I haven't been able to access these places due to my inability to walk any distance. My eyes have certainly deteriorated due to the ageing process and the strain from using the computer way too much. And there's the dentist, oh the lovely dentist. I am really scared of the dentist. Hate the smell of them, the pain the loss of control when your mouth is jammed open and someone is fiddling around in there. But my teeth have been neglected and in urgent need of treatment otherwise I might end up with plastic ones.

Well that's all I can write for today, my eyes are shutting and I just have no energy in me.

I hope this year will be a good one for all sorts of reasons.

Take care,


Note: For some reason blogger has changed the format and I have no idea how to work with it. Please suggest things if you know anything. Also if you have tried to comment and not been able to let me know. I have had one person tell me she is having trouble posting.


  1. Hi Jan

    It may be causing you problems, but your page still looks lovely to me.

    It certainly sounds like you have some big decisions to make over the next little while. Just remember that your father's personal experience of being in the wheelchair doesn't have to be yours. I personally see having a wheelchair as a *positive* opportunity for you to get out and about outside again.

    I hired one just this past week so that I could take my grandma out and about with me. (She came to stay with me over Christmas. She's nearly 90 and mobility has become a very big issue. I wanted to be able to take her out, so a wheelchair solved the mobility issue.)

    Having the chair meant my Grandma could get out and about. It was the first time she has been able to get out to the shops for a very long time and she was so excited! I found people were so kind and willing to help us (such as providing assistance when the shop wasn't particularly wheelchair friendly).

    I think when you spend all your time inside and essentially isolated, you can develop a sense of trepidation/anxiety or even fear. I know my Grandma was a very worried about being out and about before we ventured out into the world - but once we were out there - trust me when I say there was no going back! :-)

    And in terms of being reliant on someone else (such as your lovely hubby), I would say to you that it actually gave me great pleasure to give my Grandma the opportunity to do things she previously was unable to do by herself. I have a very strong feeling that not only would your hubby not mind pushing you, he'd probably love it - because it means you are both out and about TOGETHER!

    And in terms of being reliant - well - I would argue that you are a pretty strong and eloquent woman. I have absolutely no doubt that your mind and your capacity to know what you need and ask for it, means you are actually quite an independent woman. Think about it - some of the most repressed women I know are the ones who have lost the capacity to speak out for themselves.

    Anyway, I wish you all the very best for greatly improved health outcomes for 2012. I'll be here on your side, all the way!


    PS: Sorry for the long ramble, hope you don't mind!

  2. Thanks for the great comments Kate. You have been generous with your encouragement.
    Happy new year.

  3. I am about to get a wheelchair hoping it will arrive next week or the week after, I can no longer walk distances cause of my chronic pain, I see the chair as a positive cause it will mean going out and enjoying it rather than struggling all the time. I am lucky ACC here in New Zealand are paying for it cause they are not cheap. They are also buying me an Exercycle for fitness at home. I am a bit nervous about using it but am sure once I realize how good it is for me getting out and having a life I won't look back.