Sunday, January 27, 2013

A sunny Sunday

 It’s early on a Sunday morning and the house is still quiet, a lovely part of the day.  The bloke has already gone to work at 5am and the girls are still asleep. I often wish I could just stay asleep that extra couple of hours or so, as it makes for a long day otherwise. I rarely go back to bed during the day and so by nightfall I can barely string two words together, such is my tiredness. 

But I do enjoy the early morning solitude, being able to unscramble my befuddled brain and to look out of my windows and see the green lush plants on the patio or through the kitchen window the huge shrub the bloke planted years ago, that now resembles a small tree. We even have little birds that sit in the trees out in the yard who sing out the most beautiful song, it makes me feel that I am live amongst the most beautiful country in the world. Until the heat and humidity starts up again and then I am not so keen.

I had to go to the hospital on Friday to receive another iron infusion, standard procedure usually. This time there were terrible delays whilst I had to wait for staff to attend me, when they finally got to me they discovered that my doctor had not written up the iron infusion. Off they went to find someone to write up the orders. With that done the head nurse came to insert cannula.  It went smoothly, what a relief. Unfortunately the relief was short lived as it seems she had only just got it into the vein and an hour after she thought it was running she checked to see that it wasn’t. So remove that try another spot on my hand. Ouch! Nope that missed the mark and my hand swelled. Try another spot on other hand. Nope that one also failed. Then the nurse asked her colleague to have a try, on the underside of my right wrist. No the nurse said I am not happy about putting it in there. I was warned that it was a more sensitive area, okay I thought. Well what an understatement it hurt like hell. I actually let rip with a few choice swear words and even cried it hurt me that bad. I was shuddering and shaking by this stage, my teeth clattering together. I told her no more, I was going home. The nurse said she would call the physician to come and put it in. Two of them arrived and soon located an area on my upper right forearm. My god this also stung a lot, and worse the first attempt failed so he tried again, with success. Whew, I was so relieved to finally be getting this iron. It meant that I was not leaving the place until 12.30pm. I was so happy when the bloke came to take me home, if I could have run to the car I would have. Once home I did feel a bit odd and nauseous, but put it down to the drama of the day. In a months’ time I will have blood tests to see if the iron infusion has worked.

In other news when my doctor saw me last week she told me that I needed to choose to take an appetite suppressant or go onto optifast in order to start some weight loss. I am not happy about this. I have tried both without success. Of course this is because I am weak and don’t try hard enough [sarcasm intended] and I know the people in my life who are concerned about my health want me to take action and stop the gain and shed the excess and become healthy and…

However I have no faith in my ability to succeed. I have no proof that I can stick to such a strict regime. My whole being is tied up with the consumption of food and drink and to just stop takes more strength than I have. I know that there are people reading who are puzzled at my inability to just stop over eating. It’s more complicated than they will ever know. I am sick of trying to justify my choices, as bad as they may seem. I don’t want sympathy, I am not a victim. I am just one person who is trying to live a life unique to me. I never set out to have this type of life, but circumstances have led me down this path. So I try to be happy and content most of the time. I’m not sure if I am making sense here, but I know what I mean.
In order to get this published promptly I will finish here and leave something for another post.
I hope everyone is enjoying the summer holidays, if your having any. School is back soon, not that it affects me, but I am sure there will be a few relieved parents out there.
Till bext time x

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