Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The bigger I become the smaller I feel...

                                                                   Image supplied

I have just slipped in here to write a few words. My life seems to pass quickly, although if you had to ask me what I do all day you would be disappointed. I really don't do much and the things I can do like sew, crafting are of course dependent on whether my mind and body are co-operating. My energy levels are tend to be low with the occasional power surge when I go fast trying to maximize my time. But all too soon it seems to drain away. Sigh...

I often feel trapped in my body.  I have my two little grand kids, family and friends to give me solace, but some days like this, sometimes the unlived life can press so hard. And the worse thing is the feeling that I am to blame for the confinement. It really hurts. Even when housebound, I feel like I am in a race with time, there are things to be done, that time seems to slink away so easily. 

But who understands? A few close friends do, but the world does not. This renders fat people voiceless, and invalidated. I notice even on some of the websites devoted to fat acceptance that there is always this feeling, that they assume the fat body works the same or there is always a focus of control over obesity, that is so complete. Sorry it just does not exist in my world. I feel that I don't 'fit' anywhere.

 Fat but still active and mobile, you are okay, fat to the level you need a wheelchair or scooter and can barely get up, your views are ignored. It is a cruel and ignorant to tell fat people, "You just don't want to lose the weight", or you are lazy.

Whew! Onto other matters now, the panel quilt is finished. It was super easy and all I did was sew some nice fancy stitched around sections of the googlies, and in between. It's destined for grandson number two. He loves the bright colours in it. 
My infrequent sewing and quilting remind me that my life is not totally pointless. 

Till next time, 

1 comment:

  1. Jan I can so relate to what you are saying. I have put on much more weight and have lost energy hugely. I get enthused to do things then feel that by the time I have thought about them I haven't got any energy anymore. I look at myself and call myself lazy and lard arse but have no mindset to get myself sorted. People say Just starting taking walks, just half an hour but I can't get off the couch some days. People do not understand, and not all fat people are the same, everyone has different scenarios they are living within. People have no right to tell others to be positive, sorry to your "A", because everyone's mind works differently. You can only do what you can do, you just try harder some days more than others. Take care,