Friday, August 31, 2012

How Fast is this year going

Wow it's Friday again. I think that someone has time on high speed because the days go fast. One of
my daughters informed me that is Christmas in 4 months time and I had to count to make sure she was correct. And she was!

We wont have a full contingent again this year as the second eldest is going to Darwin with her partner for a couple of weeks. However it will still be a nice time due to having a baby to celebrate with. I have always felt that Christmas is more special when there are small children around. Although bub will be just four months old, I am sure we will all have much fun showing him the great things about family and get together's .
I am already planning to make him his first Christmas stocking.

 I have been working on a new project this week. It is another quilt, no surprise there I suppose. It is a pattern I have not tackled before and it is giving me a real big challenge. However I am still in the early stages of cutting out the hundreds of small pieces and then ironing them to try to ensure they ft nicely together. That is one of the many frustrations of sewing when I need to sit down. Usually cutting on a mat with a rotary cutter is done standing up. That way the right amount of pressure and visuals leas to accurate measuring, cutting and then sewing. If you stuff up in the early stages, which I often do then it ends up in me having a huge problem down the track. But I do my best with what I have got, so unless I want to enter a quilt competition, then that's all fine in the end.

I have a friend coming over to visit me soon, and I am happy that she can make time to do that. I really do appreciate that I know good people who don't mind having to come to me all the time. Yesterday another lovely friend visited and it was great time because my daughter arrived with Jacob not long after so she had a nice long cuddle with him. It's amazing though how your arms ache from holding such a little bundle. Of course he slept through the whole lot. He does that, sleeps a lot during the day but at night he is little Mr wide awake. Still he is not even two weeks old yet so that is expected.

Health wise, not much has changed although I have been quite breathless this past month. I am never sure what this is from-the heart dysfunction, lungs or allergies. It makes walking harder and of course I am less likely to want to do it then. On a happier note I am feeling much more content mentally. This is good. I haven't heard form my GP for a while though, but I wont call her unless I am feeling crook. I am waiting on some tests that she was arranging but because they are ones I am not keen on having I am not chasing her up about them. Not smart I know, but my anxiety escalates greatly when I think of the logistics of the scans and the huge potential for shame, as it is a gynecological issue. And it is a male who will be doing the investigation.

Today our middle daughter Emily (in the photo above) drove to the city as she and her friend fly out tomorrow night to Hong Kong for two weeks. Of course I am doing my usual thing and worrying about her driving there, then being in a foreign country. I really love that she is going to new places and that she gets to experience other cultures. I have a dream that I will be able to travel one day when I am healthier. However I do realise that there is a strong possibility that I will never leave this place.

I am sorry to say that some pictures I was going to post are not accessible from this laptop. The bloke recently purchased a new computer for me and now that I have the ipad, this dying laptop and the new flash one, my pics are downloaded everywhere. Once my daughter has time I am hoping she will help me synchronise all three.

All the best,

Monday, August 20, 2012

A Baby is Born

Jacob Philipp Hubon

Born 18th August, 2012
8.07 am
9 lb
Our first grandchild has arrived. He is a little beauty, although maybe not so little at 9 lb. Both mum and bub are doing fine. A midwife did discover he was tongue tied that was interfering with his feeding but the doctor just snipped it and all is well. 
He has stolen our hearts.
So welcome to the family little boy. We hope your future is filled with the best life can offer. We are here for you forever. Your aunties are all besotted with you. They are going to make your life interesting I think. 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Quilt of My Life

Hi. I have finally summoned up the energy and enthusiasm to write another post, after my efforts on Monday vanished into thin air. It was a brilliant piece too, even if I do say so. Modest aren't I?
Anyway, it's been a big week for various reasons, including the second anniversary of my mum's death, and also eleven years since my best friends little girl passed, (she was just three years old).
It's times like this that see me deep in contemplation. Grieving for the loss of these loved ones from our lives, happy that we were lucky enough to know them and wondering if we will meet again.

As I said to my friend our memories will never fade, and our love lives on.
Additionally, this week and maybe even today, two people whom I have known for many years may be coming to visit. One person is someone who I used to work with, and have known since my eldest daughter was in grade 3, and the other is another long time friend who moved away and we lost contact for a while. The thing is with the last person, I had tried to contact via email, text and facebook messages, with no response at all. Heck I even wrote to her on her facebook page without any response so when she called me about two weeks ago I was most surprised, but warmly welcomed her call and now she is in town and wants to come visit me. So we shall see what happens there. 
Do things like that happen to you to? 
I feel awkward sometimes as I wonder what they may say when they see me in the situation I am now in.
I also must admit that their impending visit is arousing a little anxiety in me as their has previously been much diet and weight loss talk involved and to be honest where I am now I just don't want to go there. It leaves me feeling inadequate and a failure. I tend to want to eat more than usual after they leave. This happens when others who visit me do it too. I have not worked out a polite way of telling them to stop with the diet speak, the ideas they have for saving myself, to lose weight for the new baby, so I can be there for my family, so I can go back to work again. Even my psychologist discusses the latest vegan craze or particular eating methods. 
Stop already folks! 
I wonder what their true motives are for offering me all sorts of reductionist ideas. We tend to all think that people who do this do so from a place of care, it's '├žos they love us, want us to 'get better', live longer. 
You know, I don't disregard them entirely, but when I am struggling to keep myself going, to prevent myself from going under on the waves that I call depression, it is so much harder. But for some time now, I have noticed a lightening in my moods and where once I despaired of ever being happy again, I am feeling that emotion much more often. 
I have no wish to not exist any more. 
I am enjoying a collection of moments that pieced together make the quilt of my life. And what a beauty it is too. 

Well my lovelies, if your wondering about my daughter and her pregnancy status, she is still holding on. Official due date is next Thursday, however there are signs he might arrive earlier. But then again my first baby was overdue and this little blessing might be too. Rest assured you will be hearing from me then.

So take care and enjoy the moments...

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Sunday Night

Hello lovelies. Gee I always think I will come back and write a new post every week, but I just don't get to it. But I am here now and happy to let you know that I am feeling better this week. Of course it's always a day by day thing and luckily this week is not too bad so far. I even attempted some sewing yesterday. I have been wanting to make a small quilt for a gift for some time and finally got the 5"squares sewed together and even the sashings   put on when I realised that I had a made a fatal error which of course led to another big error-I call it the domino effect. Needless to say early this morning whilst the household was still asleep, I sat on my chair unpicking the seams. I see it as my penance for making the mistakes. 

We're still waiting on the arrival of the stork. My poor girl is feeling quite fed up now and is just waiting for the baby to make his appearance. Those last few weeks really drag don't they? She is much more stoic than I was. At the first hint of pain I was off up to the maternity ward, only to be sent home again. Oh I am so glad that is all past me, I can just enjoy the grand-kids now.

I added the above photo as I love the vibrant colours of the orchid. This is one of my brothers plants, he has gardened all his life and it very good at it. He recently moved and has purchased a most perfect home in a lovely suburb of Perth and he has reduced the garden a lot. He has health issues that mean he does not have the stamina he once had.

You may be wondering why I put a picture of me at the top of this post. I did it as I become more comfortable with exposing myself. Of course I mean that in the nicest sense, I do have a little decorum. :)
It's my way of becoming more visible. Early days yet but I'm working on unleashing myself into the public arena. I say to myself that I have nothing to fear, but truthfully, I lack the confidence necessary to withstand the expected taunts and shaming that I have endured in the past...why are some people intent on making others feel so shit?

Anyway, this has been a bit of a mixed post, but at least I am still here and keeping on.
I am feeling better than before.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to comment, it is very welcomed. One thing though, many of you don't have an email I can reply to, so if this has been overlooked by you you might want to change your settings so I can email back.

Thanks friends,